When does tired become lazy? Sometimes something knocks me off track and then it’s a bit difficult to get back on track. This is especially true when I am not seeing the rewards of hard work yet. Then I start to doubt things will ever pay off. Those deadly negative thoughts creep in. “Am I just spinning my wheels?” “Maybe I will never be able to make a living this way.”
Sometimes its a setback that causes the derailment, like those Tiffany mugs I talked about a few days ago. Sometimes it’s a change in routine. Either way, it gets to where I think about what I “should” be doing and a strong aversion washes over me. I just feel soooooo tired. I pick up the remote and see what recordings we have on TV, or I sit at the computer but find myself playing Spider Solitaire or Collapse, or quite often I take a nap.
Attitude is so important here. Today I am deciding to accept whichever decision I make. Yes, it’s bad to be lazy, but the self disparaging attitude is a much worse thing. It is just horrid to rest and feel guilty about it. That’s not restful at all. It *IS* just possible that I am not a horrible person and I really do need some rest. If I decide to goof off I will accept it as a deserved break.
I will also approach work with an improved attitude. I will try to have faith that hard work will pay off in the end. When I think about my work and face that futile feeling, I will counter those negative thoughts. I will remind myself “If others can do it, I can do it.” and “God didn’t give me artistic talent without expecting me to use it.” I think there are times when it’s good to be stubborn. It’s good to think “I can and I will.” At that point, just push past that tired frustration and do it.
Did you know that sometimes I feel guilty doing artwork too? How crazy is that? “God didn’t give me artistic talent without expecting me to use it.” Yet, somehow, since it’s not paying off yet, it feels like goofing off too. I should go out and apply for a job at Target. That’s a regular paycheck. That’s what a responsible person would do, right?
But I am 54 years old. I have waitressed and sales-clerked all my life because “Who can make a living as an artist?” “You can’t pay the bills that way.” Well balderdash, some people pay the bills that way. If they can do it, I can do it. If i don’t follow my dreams now I will never do it. That’s a tragedy. No, I will NOT abandon my dreams.
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.